Thank You

As 2015 comes to a close I can't help but reflect on the year that is now nearly behind us.  In 2014 we started our journey with Dr. Nelson and the team at Huntington Reproductive Center.  After 6 failed rounds of clomid, we knew that our next option was IVF.  I was terrified of IVF and wanted some time to think about this.  So we took a break...went to Hawaii for New Years and came back ready to tackle the scariness of IVF.

After a couple of consultation appointments and trying to regulate my body we started the process in March.  My first shot, which I am sure some of you remember reading about was at a family friends house during a Wedding Rehearsal Dinner!  The third day of shots was in the back of the SUV in the parking lot of the Wedding venue for our friends.  Needless to say I quickly got over my fear of needles and self injection.

Our retrieval went well; we got 10, but come transfer day on 4 made it, so two were transferred... 2 girls.  Yes we already knew the gender.  Three girls and one boy in the freezer!  Sadly, we were heart broken several weeks later when we learned that the transfer was not successful.

Rather then jump right back into things (hey I had two more embabies in the freezer still) we took some time off.  Our doctor was having his own medical concerns and was off work for some time.  As the end of summer neared we started our process for the frozen embryo transfer.  Lots of shots and oral medications to prepare my body for this transfer.  Like the first time I didn't care where I was when it was time for the shots...I did one shot at an Angel's baseball game with my parents on either side of me and another shot at the Cubs v Dodgers game on the smoking patio!  I know, at this point I was telling my husband we were going to have a boy and he's going to be a baseball player!

Then we stopped sharing the news of where exactly we were in the process, we shared everything about round 1 IVF and I felt a little jinxed so this time, we stopped sharing the blow by blow process. Finally in September we were ready for the transfer of our two little embabies.  Took a few days off of work and transferred...then the dreaded two week wait to see if it worked.  There were several scary moments during that time; ones that lead to me breaking down in full blown hysterics, apologizing for not being able to get pregnant and crying my eyes out. It was awful.  Through all of this my husband was the biggest rock!  I don't know what I would have done without him.

We finally got through the two week wait and BOOM - we're pregnant!!  Yeah!!  We were so excited, we were...well, words cannot describe the feeling and emotions of the moment.  We had a baby growing and that baby had a good strong heart beat.

I then went each week for testing and ultrasounds to make sure we were progressing and crossing my fingers for "graduation day" - the day in which Dr. Nelson and team send me off to my OB-GYN.  The day finally came during week 9.

I continued with medications (and weekly lab visits) through week 14.  And one medication through 16 weeks 4 days.  Finally, free (as I write this I still have two more days of medication).

I have seen my OB-GYN twice now and have another appointment coming up tomorrow.  However, on my appointment in early December they asked if I wanted to know the gender through one of the required blood tests, we said yes.  They said it would take about two weeks for results.  Finally a few days before Christmas we found out our sweet bundle of joy is a BOY!!!  We couldn't be more excited.  We wanted to wait and share the news with our families on Christmas day, but we couldn't wait!  We told them that night.

Christmas was a special day, sweet Baby Boy G received wonderful love (and gifts) from his grandparents, aunties and uncles.  Our favorite of all was a custom Mike Trout Angel's Baseball Jersey that my dad was SUPER EXCITED about.  Aunt Julie and Uncle Brian also hooked him up with his first baseball glove - of course it's an Angel's one!

I can't begin to thank those who have continued to think of us, pray for us and be kind to us through our journey.  It was a tough and long road and we couldn't have gotten through it without all the love and support.  For that we are truly grateful.

As we enter 2016 we can't wait for the year ahead.  Baby Boy G will be arriving in June and our lives will change so drastically, but we are ready and can't wait for him to be here.  Here's to parenthood and lives forever changed.

What's Another Medication?

As we get ready to embark upon our second transfer this time called a frozen embryo transfer or FET I've learned that I now require another medication called synthroid.  I have subclinical hypothyroidism.  Will I have to be on this medication for ever? We don't know all we can do is hope that this helps with the process.

If you're trying to get pregnant and you haven't had your thyroid checked please consider this my public service announcement.  We learned that even though up to 4.0 is in the normal range if you're above a 2.6 on your TSH it's likely that a medication like synthroid will assist with the process.  We're not the experts but there is research that lends itself to this statement.

Crossing our fingers that this will help and make us have a successful process.

Life Goes On

One thing I've learned in the last few weeks is that life goes on.  The world does not stop turning when my world falls apart.  We allowed ourselves to be sad, frustrated, upset and a whole host of emotions.  But, every morning I've woken up, every day has continued and life has gone on.  I'm still sad, but life goes on and we will heal and we will have a family one day.

We've received a lot of questions about what's next and what are our plans.  We've also received a lot of unsolicited advice and questions.  So, I thought I'd take a few minutes to post an update.

For those just starting to follow our journey and not wanting to go back to beginning to find out how we got here, I'll give you the reader's digest version.
We've been trying to have a baby for two years. (Happy Anniversary to us next Monday)  After a year of trying and a whole host of tests my doctor referred us to Dr. Nelson at Huntington Reproductive Center in Pasadena.  Dr. Nelson and his team ran a battery of tests on both Ross and I.  It was ultimately determined that I have "unexplained infertility" due to irregular cycles (something I've had FOREVER).  So we were easily able to rule out the following (which are typically more common).

1. Male factor infertility (i.e. low sperm count, low or no motility, etc.) / translation Ross = A OK...haha, so it's me!  
2. Endometriosis or PCOS
3. Low Ovarian Reserve (egg count)

So, we tried clomid for 5 cycles and after that was fail after fail we took a few months off then decided to do IVF.  While the retrieval resulted in 10 eggs, only 9 were mature enough to do ICSI with and of that only 8 took.  We waited until Day 5 so that they could be biopsied and tested; at Day 5 only 4 were still viable.  2 were used for the first transfer and now we have two left for when we decide to do Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  FET will include its own round of shots and pills before transfer, but not nearly as much as the retrieval involved.  We have reviewed the reasons with Dr. Nelson as to why it didn't work and there are a couple of more tests to be done.  I'll be tested for a common (in about 1/3 of the population) bacteria,   If I have this bacteria I will just take an antibiotic to suppress/rid it for the duration of the FET cycle.  The test is a blood panel to tests for a blood clotting issue.  If I have this I'll just take baby aspirin and an anticoagulant for the FET cycle.  

What else I've done;

1. No caffeine since July 2014
2. Minimal fast food since August 2014 (Starbucks, Panera, Chipotle and In-n-Out have been it - with ONE jack in the box chicken strip exception the day of my egg retrieval)
3. Reduced my intake of processed foods; generally follow a fairly clean diet with about 65% being organic
4. Very little alcohol consumption
5. Nothing for headaches besides Tylenol since I started the process last July 

Just a few other things:

1. You can't "catch" infertility from me - it's not a cold.  
2. Just because it didn't work this time doesn't mean it won't work
3. 1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility
4. 1 in 4 women suffer a miscarriage
5. There are a lot of "old wives tales" don't listen to them; rely on actual research
6. If you don't like or trust your doctor, find one that you do like
7. Everyone is different, just because my mom and sister had no problems conceiving doesn't mean that it would be easy for me
8. Getting pregnant is NOT easy; it doesn't always "just happen"
9. The "normal" person's average change of becoming pregnant each month is 18-20% 
10. My average change was less than 5% (unassisted by fertility treatments)

When One Door Closes...

It sometimes hits you in the ass or smacks you in the face.  I know the rest of the saying "When one door closes" is that "Another door opens".  But right now I'm struggling with that.

Enough with the veiled message.  We went through the IVF embryo transfer process and had two transferred.  I found out on Monday that I was indeed pregnant (YEAH) but that my levels were very low (NOT YEAH - actually sad and scary).

1. Able to get pregnant = AWESOME
2. Low numbers = return visit in a few days
3. Low numbers = possibly not retaining pregnancy
4. Low numbers = lots of questions and frustrations

So, needless to say I spent a few worrisome days waiting for that next blood test (me actually wanting a blood test...crazy, that's how far I've come in this process).

Thursday afternoon I got the call I didn't want to get.  My level went from 23 on Monday to 2 on Thursday, meaning my sesame seed (that's the size at 5 weeks) was deciding that it's not our time to be parents.

I know some of you are thinking, wait you are already 5 weeks.  Yes, when you do IVF things run a little differently.  When I had my embryo transfer they were already 2 weeks and 6 days.

So, back to my door closing.  I'm frustrated, hurt, sad, confused and most of all disappointed.  We do have another door opening though, I'm just not ready to open it yet.  We have two more embryos ready  to go when we are ready to embark upon this journey again.

Too many quetions are swirling right now to concentrate on that yet.

• What did I do wrong?
• What could I do differently?
• Why did this happen to me?
• This isn't fair!
• Everyone sucks
• I hate the lady that brings her baby to the Reproductive Center (seriously, I felt like she's been there the last couple of times, they post a sign out side that says "Out of the respect for others, please no children" - clearly she doesn't feel that applies to her.  I also want to tell her "please, you have an infant, get the hell out of here and let those of use who have nothing try you greedy woman"

Thank you everyone for all your support and love, we truly appreciate it.

National Infertility Awareness Week

For those of you that are friends with me on Facebook you know that I (and my amazingly supportive sister) have been posting about National Infertility Awareness Week - which is this week.  What I didn't realize is that my posts into the Group Board were PUBLIC!!!  Oppsy!  Which means some of you saw my comment that I was six days post transfer!  So to answer the question, YES, embryo transfer has happened.  So why don't I start there.

On April 14 we got the report that 4 of our 8 embryos had grown large enough to be tested through the PGS/D.  So, on that morning I had two of the four transferred.  Yep, I've got two embies in my body right now!  I went home that day and was only allowed to get up to use the restroom, and only allowed to sit up to eat.  I was then on very light activity for the following two days and returned to work on Friday (but no taking the stairs! LOL).  It's not business as usual yet, I still can't work out, can't lift more than 10 pounds, limit my up/down the stairs activity, so basically I'm doing a lot of sitting on my behind and slow walking.  I'm still on an arsenal of drugs, progesterone lozenges that taste like grape chalk - lucky me they are to be placed under the tongue three times per day and allowed to dissolve! (GAG).  Endometrin, Estrace, Prenatal Vitamin, Baby Aspirin and Follic Acid rounds out the group.  I'm taking things morning, noon and night.  But the good thing, NO MORE SHOTS!!!
So, now we are in what is called the two week wait or TWW (I'm learning all kinds of acronyms) and I'm about to pull my hair out!  We will continue to think positive thoughts and BELIEVE that at least one of our two embies will stick.

The photo below is of an ornament that my sister gave to Ross and I at Christmas time this past year.  I'm going to dig it out of my ornament box tonight and bring it in the house.  It's not just for Christmas anymore.

More about National Infertility Awareness Week!!
There are several published studies that say 1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility.  That number is so high, I bet I'm not the only person you know that has been struggling with this.  In my case we have been diagnosed with "undiagnosed infertility" which kind of sucks because that means we  don't really know what is causing it.  I don't have PCOS, I don't have endometriosis, I don't have diminished ovarian reserve, Ross isn't shooting blanks...so yeah, not knowing what it really is sucks.  But, the good news is, I am not alone, there are many out there that fall into this same category.

So, here's some statistics for you (in case you wanted to know, and if you don't you can just stop reading now, there is nothing else after this).

Fast Facts About Infertility

Infertility is a disease that results in the abnormal functioning of the male or female reproductive system. The  World Health Organization, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recognize infertility as a disease.

Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse (six months if the woman is over age 35) or the inability to carry a pregnancy to live birth.

• 7.4 million women, or 11.9% of women, have ever received any infertility services in their lifetime. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
• 1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
• Approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained. (www.asrm.org)
• A couple ages 29-33 with a normal functioning reproductive system has only a 20-25% chance of conceiving in any given month (National Women’s Health Resource Center). After six months of trying, 60% of couples will conceive without medical assistance. (Infertility As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997)
• Approximately 44% of women with infertility have sought medical assistance. Of those who seek medical intervention, approximately 65% give birth. (Infertility As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997)
• Approximately 85-90% of infertility cases are treated with drug therapy or surgical procedures. Fewer than 3% need advanced reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization (IVF). (www.asrm.org)
• The most recently available statistics indicate the live birth rate per fresh non-donor embryo transfer is 47.7% if the woman is under 35 years of age and  39.2% if the woman is age 35-37. (Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, 2013)
• Fifteen states have either an insurance mandate to offer or an insurance mandate to cover some level of infertility treatment. Eight of those states have an insurance mandate that requires qualified employers to include IVF coverage in their plans offered to their employees: Arkansas, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, and Rhode Island.
• A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine (August 2002) found that the percentage of high-order pregnancies (those with three or more fetuses) was greater in states that did not require insurance coverage for IVF. The authors of the study noted that mandatory coverage is likely to yield better health outcomes for women and their infants since high-order births are associated with higher-risk pregnancies.
• The Affordable Care Act (ACA) does not require coverage for infertility treatments. Those states with an infertility mandate that covers IVF may have chosen an Essential Health Benefits (EHB) benchmark plan that includes the IVF mandate. The EHB impacts the individual and small group markets only in each state.

Updated 04/19/2015

From http://www.resolve.org/about/fast-facts-about-fertility.html

I'm Hungry...At Least When Coming Out of Sedation

I know some people have been waiting for this update, so here it is.

On Wednesday morning Ross and I arrived for our appointment before anyone else was there (except a few nurses).  I was promptly taken back into the recovery room area and given about six different notices, disclosures, authorizations, whatever the heck else I needed to sign that morning.  I was then asked to get into the hospital gown, socks and hair cover.  Pretty look let me tell you.

After that I went with the nurse to the procedure room.  The table/bed was small, very narrow and short.  So short in fact about 8-12 inches of my legs and feet hung off the table.  She hooked me up to the blood pressure cuff, the pulse ox and an IV.  I was shivering I was so cold, so she got me another blanket.  Yeah, it was in a warmer.  Then I was strapped in.  Seriously, there was a strap across my torso and my arms were under it.  Good luck scratching an itch on your nose, not gonna happen.  I was told that the anesthesiologist would be in shortly.  Good, maybe he can scratch my nose.

Sure enough here he came, a cute, little old man, but not the kind of old that makes you think "can this guy still do his job?" but still probably in his late sixties.  He kind of looked like Jepeto from Pinocchio.  He was incredibly nice and comforting.  He talked a lot, I'm sure to help calm me down as I was back to shaking like a leaf. He told me the first thing he was going to give me was something to calm my nerves a little, so of course I said "oh like Xanax" and he laughed and replied that it was from the same classification.  He continued to talk and tell me stories and ask me questions, I'm sure he was just making sure the drug was doing its job.  After a few minutes he said, well the doctor is here so I'm going to give you the next medication and put you on oxygen.  I remember him taking my glasses off and putting the oxygen on, but after that nighty nite!

The next thing I remember the anesthesiologist was talking to me again and taking off the oxygen.  He put my glasses back on me, but holy hell, they were so blurry.  I thought I'd lost my vision somewhat.  Then he started giggling and said "whoops, those are my reading glasses" LOL, silly man.
I hear the nurses saying Heather can you help us move into the bed, I remember saying yes, but the next thing I know I'm back in recovery and telling the nurse I'm hungry and I want to see my husband.  LOL.

The nurses brought me crackers and juice and of course got Ross.  Pretty impressive that I wanted to eat as soon as I was moderately coherent.  I had to stay a little longer until the doctor came back with my instructions, but after about 15 minutes in recovery I was up, using the restroom and back into my clothes.

After we saw the doctor we were able to leave.  Total time there, just about 3 hours.

On the way home I told Ross I was hungry (again) so we stopped at Corner Bakery Cafe and he went in and got me eggs, bacon and potatoes.  YUM!  I then laid around on the couch all day, my sister came over and brought me Starbucks and made me a grilled cheese for lunch.  Then my mom came after work so that Ross could leave (this lucky guy got to go to the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta on Friday and I wasn't going to stop him from that).  Then came my sister again with some magazines, a cake, Gatorade and dinner.  They are awesome!  My mom spent the night to make sure I was still good.  Uncomfortable, yes, but overall decent.

I know, enough about all that, what is the report.  The doctor was able to retrieve 10 eggs, 9 were viable and by Thursday afternoon 8 were embryos!  We've got 8 people!!!
My sister celebrated by bringing me this cake.

What's next, well because I'm over 35 I have opted for PGS which is preimplantation genetic screening.  We will get our report on Monday.

But, here's the disappointing news (or maybe not)...I'm going dark.  That's right, I'm going to take a break from blogging about our adventure for a while.  So, this will be the last update until I'm ready to share any new news.  No telling when our transfer will be or what that experience will be like.  Sorry folks.  I do love sharing with everyone, but we thought this was part of it that we would keep to ourselves.

Thank you for your support in our journey.

Bag of Rocks!

I've been saying for a few days now that I feel like I'm carrying around a bag of rocks in my lower abdomen.  Like seriously a bag of rocks may fall from my uterus at any time!  And, who forgot to mention that I'd have to pee about five thousand times a day?  All side effects of the phase of the IVF cycle that I'm in.

Today marks a very important day, no more Menpur (the shot that burns) and no more Follistem (the one that looks like a pen and was the easiest by far).  I do have one more shot of Ganirelix for tonight at precisely 6pm.  Then at precisely 830pm I will happily inject myself with Pregnyl - my trigger shot!  The only one I've been looking forward to.  When it's time for the trigger shot that means it's time for retrieval.

Found out this morning that retrieval will be this Wednesday (don't bother calling or texting, I'll probably be drooling on myself for most of the day as I'm being put out).  Instructions also say no driving and to have someone with you.   I was laughing at this, I mean to me it's obvious that if you're knocked out for a surgery that someone should be driving you.  Right?  Anyone else with me on this one?

I'm curious to know how many they'll be able to retrieve.  Right now there are 14-16 follicles that are the right size and ready to go, but you never know what will produce.

So for a few more days I'll carry around my bag of rocks because I know that those are my follicles ready to do their job.

Anyone want to hold up my bag of rocks?