Enough with the veiled message. We went through the IVF embryo transfer process and had two transferred. I found out on Monday that I was indeed pregnant (YEAH) but that my levels were very low (NOT YEAH - actually sad and scary).
- Able to get pregnant = AWESOME
- Low numbers = return visit in a few days
- Low numbers = possibly not retaining pregnancy
- Low numbers = lots of questions and frustrations
So, needless to say I spent a few worrisome days waiting for that next blood test (me actually wanting a blood test...crazy, that's how far I've come in this process).
Thursday afternoon I got the call I didn't want to get. My level went from 23 on Monday to 2 on Thursday, meaning my sesame seed (that's the size at 5 weeks) was deciding that it's not our time to be parents.
I know some of you are thinking, wait you are already 5 weeks. Yes, when you do IVF things run a little differently. When I had my embryo transfer they were already 2 weeks and 6 days.
So, back to my door closing. I'm frustrated, hurt, sad, confused and most of all disappointed. We do have another door opening though, I'm just not ready to open it yet. We have two more embryos ready to go when we are ready to embark upon this journey again.
Too many quetions are swirling right now to concentrate on that yet.
- What did I do wrong?
- What could I do differently?
- Why did this happen to me?
- This isn't fair!
- Everyone sucks
- I hate the lady that brings her baby to the Reproductive Center (seriously, I felt like she's been there the last couple of times, they post a sign out side that says "Out of the respect for others, please no children" - clearly she doesn't feel that applies to her. I also want to tell her "please, you have an infant, get the hell out of here and let those of use who have nothing try you greedy woman"
Thank you everyone for all your support and love, we truly appreciate it.
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